Virginal Ben

Could it be???? Ben Devirginated??????

2006-08-14T06:34:00.000-07:00

PhriendlyJamie seems to indicate he has in fact had physical contact with Ben Tribbett and apparently lived to talk about it.

http://notlarrysabato.typepad.com/doh/2006/08/major_senate_ra.html#comment-21010654
Jamie, is it true????

Still on the Hunt

2006-07-31T15:30:00.000-07:00

That's Ben below. He really is that butt ugly. All of those chins really are his. It is best if you know the reality of the situation from the start.

We apologize for being gone for so long. We know you have been working hard to find someone who will devirginate Ben and determine if there is are tiny shreds of decency in him, or if it's all just tiny things mixed in with the very large masses of ego, narcissism, and jealousy that he didn't turn out to be Dave Marsden. Or that he can't DO Dave Marsden.

Which brings us to where we've been. You may have missed it, but Ben issued a cry for help. He put up, ever so briefly, an anti-Dave Marsden ad. We realized that no person would be so mean, so full of shit, so energetically for so long if there weren't more deep seeded issues. So we went digging and found: BEN TRIBBETT IS IN LOVE WITH DAVE MARSDEN.

THAT's why he obsesses about Marsden's every move. THAT's why he can't get over it. Because really,who can get over unrequited love? And he was embarrased, and THAT's why he shamelessly outed a campaign staffer and spread rumors about the activities of another. Because he's desperately in love with Dave Marsden, and Dave Marsden is happily married to a beautiful woman. If Ben can't have Dave's love, he can at least have Dave's attention. So Ben lashes out.

All of this makes our job that much harder. If this experiment is going to work, Ben needs to be devirginated by someone who approximates Dave Marsden. Because it isn't just about lack of human touch, which Ben certainly lacks. It's also about lack of a SPECIFIC HUMAN'S touch.

I know you're up to it. Ben, don't worry. We're still trying to help you get touched by another human being before you are crushed to death by your ego. You are such an ugly asshole who clearly has no ounce of anything interesting in him that it's hard to find anyone who will agree to even just "relations" just once, so you might have to settle for just a touch. Maybe on your arm. But we'll do the best we can.

UPDATE: Someone pointed out to me that Greg Bouchillon now has the vile ad up. Shame on Greg Bouchillon. He reflects badly on Judy Feder. She should cut him off. Unless. Greg, do you look anything like Dave Marsden? Maybe you want to devirginate Ben for us? for Virginia? for America?

What we're asking

2006-07-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

Hell no. We're not asking for any kind of relationship with Ben. That would be going too far. Ugly assholes with massive egos who's only joy in life is trashing better people than he is don't get to have relationships.

We're asking for RELATIONS. Just once.

It's a little experiment. Will devirginating Ben unearth whatever tiny amount of decency he might have in him? Or will it reveal that what he's got is in fact tiny and there's no decency anywhere?

If getting Ben laid makes him a tiny bit better person for even a little while, you would have done a service to humanity. Think about that.

In the meantime, post here about Ben sitings and stupid/interesting/made up things you witnessed him doing. He likes to make up damaging things about people and post them on his blog. Let's play along! Your tasks are:

***Sleep with Ben
and/or
***Post stories about Ben (true or not, it doesn't matter - we're playing by Ben rules)

Hunka hunka burnin' ........something

2006-07-07T13:47:00.000-07:00

He isn't much to look at, but we're only asking for once.

He is even carrying a heart. He is crying for help. He is begging for offline human interaction.

There is a shred of decency somewhere in there. He just keeps it buried below all of the jackass.

Help Ben Get a Life!

2006-07-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

Poor Virginal Ben Tribbett.

We've all heard about the studies of babies. Lack of human contact makes them collicky, reduces their IQ, stunts their growth, and generally makes them miserable human beings.

Ben Tribbett is Virginia's own petrie dish and proof that the same lack of human contact (no, Ben, your own little hand doesn't count) causes the same results in young adults.

Ben is a nasty little man. He is mean, small minded, carries grudges, is oversensitive, and just generally unlovable. He also rocks an outsize ego. He believes that his blogging runs the universe. It carries Senate races. His analysis wins and loses political races. If you ask him, his love/lust/obsession with Leslie Byrne will catapult her to the heights of Virginia politics. His irrational feud with a Virginia Delegate will bring that Delegate down. It shouldn't surprise anyone that he is Virginal.

But friends, fellow Virginians, Nevadans (he flees to your state when the going gets rough - sorry about that), we must get Ben laid.

Think of it as a continuation of the experiment. Will fleeting human contact bring to the surface what ever isn't small and nasty in Ben? Is there anything in Ben that isn't small and nasty?

If you know someone who will sleep with Ben in service the greater good, please post a comment here or send an email to virginalben@gmail.com. We've already had several submissions.

If you don't know someone who will sleep with Ben, post a comment anyway. Post pictures of Ben, things you heard about him, things you heard him say. Even if you don't know anything, make something up. He loves that. Just look at his blog.